When people meet you especially for the first time, what type of feelings do you leave them with? Do you leave them more drained than they were before they met you or do they leave you more revived? Have you thought of it. In your office, house, neighborhood what do people say about you? Are you just an inconsequential wave of the hand to the people or worthy of an embrace? Are you worth sitting down with or just worth a nod of the head whilst they walk off to more important things? If people just wave you bye-bye, not because they are in a hurry or if you are just a handshake that they want to forget in a hurry, you need to check what form of impression you made on them.
Are you too needy such that when people see you, they want to avoid you? Do you always have a sob story you want people to hear not realising that the people you are talking to have problems of their own too. Are you a moving lamentation or an encourager? Are you the carrier of the bad news or the personification of the bad news ? Do you always have a story of regret that anyone who comes around you must hear for the “sixteenth time” without your realising that you are boring them to death.
Is your dressing not in conflict with the image you are trying to project? Do you have a complaint about everyone known to you and keep records of how they have not been caring concerning your affairs meanwhile there is no known record of where you have shown care to others when they were in need. Are you the type that is always looking for someone who God has touched their hearts so that they would give you something whilst it seems that God has never been able to touch your heart to do something for others. I recall telling a certain fellow to stop the habit of constantly begging people for money. I advised he should find little ways of how he could add value or give help to the people he was always asking for money. At times the “rich man” people run to in times of trouble also has problems but people never care because they are so preoccupied with their own issues and never attempt/bother to be a blessing to the rich. Or haven’t you hear that “the rich also cry”?
Are you a mobile suggestion box that has suggestions for everyone you see not realising that minding your own business is also a vital part of relationships and life. What is the use of giving unsolicited advice to people when they didn’t ask for it or appear to value it? Are you a moving signboard with problems written all over you? Who wants to marry a “convoy of troubles” when they have their own issues to contend with already?
You are complaining that people don’t do business with you or want to relate with you. Have you checked if the problem is with you and with them? With you dull looking demeanour and the “I am finished” type of walking you are now adept at, (I mean heads dropped, shoulders hunched wretched outlook) who would want to risk his money by placing it in your hands? Words have probably gotten round that you owe the Sun, the Moon and the Stars Bank Plc a whole lot of money and you want someone to come and be in in affinity with you in business.
Are you a man of your words? Does your actions match your words or you are now a known “promise and fail” in the neighbourhood? Is your word your bond. Are you a user and and a dumper? Can you be counted on? Are you reliable?
Why does everything about you start with “what’s in it for me”? Do you even understand the art of receiving gifts? Don’t you know that the giver of gifts has eyes that watches your response? Have you been telling your helpers a “dry thank you” and then you wonder why they never lifted up their hands to help you again? You should know that emotionless thanks is a roadblock to the next gift. Have you ever gotten back to those who gave you gifts and related to them not only on how the gift was a timely blessing to you but also talked about how the gift positively changed/impacted your life.
Are you not clannnish in nature? I mean everyone is a suspect once they do not come from your part of the country or speak your language. Why do you always exclude people in life? Mr A, “too tall, remove him“. Miss B, “too beautiful, remove her“. “I don’t flow with Mr C, remove him“. Where you are even flowing to? No one seems to know till date.
Everyone has to match your standards. Don’t you realise that even you are not perfect. Don’t you know that we are all dependent on one another and “no man is an island” . The people you are excluding today, can become the pillars you may need tomorrow. Only a fool says “I am a self made man” . Everyone of us needs the other person. No matter how skillful, prim and perfect you are, there us always something someone does better than you.
Why is everything a fight to you? Don’t you realise that wisdom is better than foolishness. Is peace not more peaceful than warfare. After the war, don’t you see that both the victor and vanquished still need to sit down to talk about peace. The same peace they jettisoned on their way to war. I told one, “what is the use of winning the argument and then ruining your marriage” . “How do you stay married after totally damaging your spouse before everyone just because you need to win this war. Now you have won the war, how do you erase what you said that ought not to have been said to outsider’s. How are you going to repair the reputation of your spouse before the people now ? You are the one who placed your marriage on the lips of the talkers so get ready for the result. You have instigated the river of gossip. Don’t complain when the rivers start flowing from door to door. You ought to have known that certain matters are sacred between husband and wife no matter the quarrels on ground”. Only a fool thinks the people they meet on social media really care about their problems. They have their own lives to live. Wake up and smell the coffee. The Internet never forgets even if you press delete. Be careful what you say and do there.
What’s the purpose of all these questions you may wonder? It’s because I want you to look at yourself and find out who you really are or have become. If you find faults, like I did, make quick changes. No man is perfect. We are all learner’s. If we all make the right changes, then we would end up with a world that is a joy to live in. Our relationships will get better and everyone will benefit from the great improvements and adjustments we have made in our characters. Imagine a world where we truly forgive one another, love one another, never count or keep score of the wrongs of our acquaintances. Whether you are black, white, yellow, rich or poor etc, you are my brother/my sister.
We may disagree on politics or principles. We may disagree on religion. But it should not be allowed to degenerate to the level where we become sworn enemies of one another. There is nothing wrong if your brother or sister holds an opinion contrary to your own. No matter how superior your knowledge or position is, you don’t have the right to force it on another person.
So go and get yourself a mirror. Look at it, and let the change start from the “man in the mirror”.
To read another post follow this link What to do when life is unfair
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My name is Ovyay, the Traveling Poet.