What to do when life is unfair. I have heard people saying, “this is not fair. Why do good people seem to die early and wicked people seem to live long” ? Though there is no scientific data to back up this position I can’t deny having not entertained this line of thought too. Why is it that for some people, good things seem to happen to them whilst others seem to get bad things ? Why should a young man, an only child, after years of expenses at school, graduates only to be cut down during National Service by death. All the money spent on educating him now goes down the drain. Where will the poor aged parents start from now? This we have see happen in life. I once went to conduct the funeral of a friend. Whilst we were conducting the burial, in the same compound, some people were doing their wedding. So on one side weeping, on the other side dancing. Strange things of life.
I am aware of the story of a certain woman who suffered with the husband when he had nothing but when the money came, he dumped her and threw her out of the house she used her sweat and money to build with him. The worst part of it was the man went ahead and married this woman’s best friend. Yes, life can be unfair. I know the story of another woman who used all her savings to set up her husband in business. But years later when the man stabilised, he threw her out.
How can you explain the recent floods in some parts of Nigeria and India that cost a lot of lives and properties. Someone who is already suffering from poverty now loses his home, farmlands, even family to the devastating effects of floods or tornadoes, earthquakes or something.
Recently in Port Harcourt, a certain man after years of working in the public service, received his pension but lost everything at the ATM because he went to the ATM without his reading glasses and asked a certain fellow at the ATM machine spot to help him withdraw money. The fellow used that opportunity to withdraw all this man’s money and ran off. That was how all the wages of the years of toiling and labor of this old man vanished.
Why do these things happen?
I don’t have the answers but upfront, I can say I have many times too experienced the “unfairness of life”. I know what it is to be used and dumped. It’s a very painful experience. I was once refused admission in one of the Nigerian Universities (though I was fully qualified and passed the entrance exam) due to the part of the country that I came from while those who had less than I scored were admitted. As a young man, I felt that pain. It’s a well-known fact that in some companies, there are discrepancies in the wages of women compared to the men and black people compared to the white people. Some have been denied certain advantages based on their religion and race. There are people because of their ethnic background are given certain advantages above others. Some are born with silver spoon in their hands and others were born without spoon or silver. The names some people bear opens doors for them while for some it closed the door to them.
The list of unfair events goes on and on.
So what do you do when you face the unfairness of life. Or better still, how do we make life fair?
Firstly, I have to say that “unfairness” comes as part of the lot of the fallen man. There is no guarantee of fairness where the activities of men are concerned. I am not saying that fairness to all is not possible but there is no life guarantee that when you were born life said onto you “I shall be fair*. So we have to realize this and face life with the determination of “come what may, I will succeed in life”. Start by appreciating what you have. You also have some advantages in you if you care to look deeply. Some of the things you find easy to do others find it difficult to do. What I mean is, be grateful for what you have. Some may say, “look I have nothing”. That’s far from being the truth. There is always something that everyone has. Are you alive? Then that’s something as many are dead right now and can’t remedy anything related to this life anymore. Start with gratitude.
Secondly, we all have to realize that even on our bodies, not every part enjoys the same treatment. While some parts of our bodies are covered other parts are exposed to weather elements. Even the fingers on our hands are not of equal length. But wherever life positions you, thrive there. Some are born in rich homes whilst others come from poor homes. Some are born in advanced countries other are born in poor countries. But being born rich does not guarantee that such a person will succeed in life. There are a lot of rich unhappy people. There have also been people with great talents, born with all the advantages life can offer yet still failed at the end of the day. We have seen in life, people who had to overcome all sorts of disadvantages even terrible disabilities yet still succeeded in life. Everything starts from your determination to “thrive wherever you are planted”.
Thirdly, never feel sorry for yourself because of any disadvantages (perceived or real) you feel life placed on you. Nick Vujicic (an Australian best selling author and motivational speaker) started life with neither hands nor legs yet he is a great success today. I know a man who paints great portraits and landscapes with the painting brush in his mouth. Stevie Wonder the legendary American Singer is blind but that has not stopped him from becoming a success today. I have heard wise men say, “When life gives you lemons, turn it to lemonade”. Stop getting angry or disillusioned because life has been unjust to you. Many have become depressed and suicidal because of the unjust nature of life and events they faced. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Choose not to play the victim role because of life experiences Get up and get going onto the next thing. Go become a victor. Feeling sorry leads to living sorrowful. The sorrow of heart you carry will only limit your ability to succeed in life and give you an excuse not to achieve anything.
Fourthly, avoid hanging around with people who keep complaining about the unfairness of life because all they will do for you is to drag you into the pit of darkness where there is no way out. Poisonous thoughts and poisonous company is dangerous and a great disservice to health and progress. Misery loves company so seperate yourself from poisonous people. Wake up every day, pick yourself or dust yourself up and begin again. Focus on succeeding not on failing. Excuses are a waste of time if you are on the journey of progress.
Fifthly, talk to yourself.
Are you not tired of saying life is unfair. What has stating it over and over done for you other than making you feel sorry and sad. Have a meeting of “you, yourself and I“. Talk to yourself. Start seeing possibilities instead of embracing negativity always. There is nothing you are complaining about even when justifiably true that others have not faced and overcome. You have to say to yourself that “ this is where I am now, but this is not how I will live” then go do something with a clear mind.
Many times those who complain that life has been unfair to them are also been unfair to others. We also have to check ourselves too. Are we being fair to others? We should treat others the way we want others to treat us. (Food for thought). There are times people may even say negative things about you. It has happened to many reading this blog probably over and over. Withdraw to a corner and ask yourself (for example). …”Ovyay, these things they are saying about you, is it true? If it is true, change, if not ignore it”. At time you can’t just explain or understand why people hate you or talk down at you. Realise that they are the ones with the problem not you.
Sixthly, know that there will be times of “sad songs” as you journey through life.
What I mean is, stuff will happen that may make you feel, “life has started being unfair again”. Murphy’s law may take over which literally means “bad things happening at the worst possible time”. I know of a man from a poor background who though things were bad but the worst happened when the only helper he had died and all hopes of ever becoming anything in life was erased. He overcame that terrible event and today is an extremely great success. Was it easy? No. Did he make it ? Yes. Bottom line, no matter what happens, move on. Don’t camp in the valley of “why always me”.
Finally, apply to the Spirituality of God.
I am a Christian and when I face unfairness in life, I pray, I ask the Holy Spirit to help me. I seek comfort and direction from God. I call on the name Jesus. This is the value the Divine brings to my life. I get help in the time of trouble and uncertainty. I know how it feels to be passed over after you have labored and another is permitted to reap the harvest. I know what it is to be unappreciated and neglected. I have heard stories of people who labored for years on a job only to have their job be advertised to outsiders and they sacked. A lady said she even had to serve tea to those who came to be interviewed for the position she wanted. All her efforts of working late, doing the extra went unnoticed. I recall (way back) how a certain fellow having caused me great pain, took a sit and popped a glass of wine whilst I was weeping. A few days ago, a woman being troubled by her in-laws sent me a text with the message ….“why are people so wicked”. I had no real answer for her but I can’t deny not feeling her pain as I have been there before too. I had to encourage her in the Lord. God is the only true hope I have in difficult times. I don’t know what you believe in as you read this, but God always works for me.
Life is unfair, BUT GOD IS NEVER UNFAIR.
Many times we may not understand Him, but in the end everything gets resolved.
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Thanks for your time, till next time.