Boli and fish
It’s what I desire. Whether its to consume the gastronomic spread of Boli and fish or lick and scoop through a humongous delicious Chocolate Ice Cream with Pecans, Coconut, Brownie, and Caramel from Coldstone, or to go on a journey to another newly discovered tourist haven, it’s my desire. What’s that to you?What if a lady chooses to buy a Pepper Red bag to match up with her Christmas green long skirt. For crying out loud, it’s her desire. What’s wrong with her being a designer bags aficionado. A clueless person may say “what does she need ten black bags” ? No Sir, they are not the same even though they have the same colour. Their purposes are different. A casual day bag is different from an evening clutch bag. Beach bags are not the same as Tote bags or carryalls. To her, a black Fendi is different from a black Marc Jacob’s. The black Valentino is not the same as the black Kate Spade or Christian Dior bag. So you see, they are not just black bags. They are her desires, so stay out of her lane and remain on your lane.
At Obudu Mountains 2014
Hear this, desire can be a selfish constant in a life. The reality you are told (to make you change your desire) will enter your ear and disappear through the other. That is the power of desire. Whatever a man desires is what will keep coming to his mind.
“My desire, you make my eyes bulge in their sockets. You make my heart beat fast whenever I remember you. At times, you give me enjoyable sleepless nights. Time flies as I dream, looking forward to the day I would finally take full possession of you. Till then, my desired item, I won’t give up on you. Wait, I say wait, I am on my way to you “.
When I first started working shortly after I left school, I kept buying Video Cassette Recorders/TVs and just put them everywhere in my mini flat. A beloved one said to me, “Oga, you are just wasting your money buying all these nonsense”. He didn’t know as a young man how many nights I sat with my kid brother imagining what life will be like to have a personal TV and video in your house. He wasn’t there when we used to go to “Modis house” just to stand by the window to watch a black and white TV set since my parents didn’t have one back then. We didn’t even mind the mosquitos or the inconvenience of standing by the window to watch TV at “Modis“. On a few occasions, we were allowed into the house but with a caveat. No noise and we must not cross a line drawn with white chalk on the ground. Anyone who did got whipped. We endured the pain and didn’t tell anyone about it as that was a small price to pay to watch a TV show. He didn’t know when in secondary school how we used to skip classes and head towards “Alekuwodo” area (Osogbo, Osun State) to beg a classmate so we could watch videos in their house or trekked a few kilometres just to watch Indian films at Dada Estate at Osogbo. So when I had the chance, I bought “them stuff” to get it out of my system. That’s desire fulfilled. So when you don’t know the “why” behind someone’s purchases, be careful how you pass judgment or offer unsolicited advice.
It’s not every time we buy our desired objects that it is financially wise to do so. Like in the picture above taken when I wanted to buy my DSLR camera a few years ago, I wasn’t feeling financially comfortable making that purchase. But looking back now, I have no regrets.
Whether it’s financially wise or not, we tend to send our children to the best schools available. We do this because we desire the best for our kids. Are government schools all bad? Yes/No. It’s a decision powered by desire. I know people who send their children to very expensive schools that was clearly out of “their league”. After paying the school fees, they struggled to feed at home or even make ends meet. Despite this financial pressure, their joy still knows no bounds because they have their wards in the school of their desire. I have heard people like that say stuff like ” if there is one thing I want, it’s the best I can afford for my child”. There may be cheaper and reasonable alternatives. Yes. But that is not what they want. Look, It’s not everyone who even sends their kids abroad for schooling that is rich and comfortable. Some do so sacrificing everything they have. That’s their desire. Why should I drink “Panadol” for another person’s headache? Don’t go telling them how reasonable it would have been if they sent their kids to any of the available local schools. You are wasting your time. This is what gives them joy so the after-effects mean nothing .
“So stay on your lane and let them stay on their lane”.
Maintain your lane
You may buy a $1000 Rick Owens Camica wool office shirt not just to look good, but just to make a statement. I am not talking about keeping up with “the Joneses”. And if you chose to keep up with the Joneses, (whoever the Joneses are) why should I make that my business. “That’s your wahala” (problem) as we say here in Nigeria. I am talking about wearing what says a lot about who you are/do. Something that shows your sophistication. I mean dressing the way you want to be addressed. You represent something. We want to see what you represent on you.
Another person may chip in saying “why spending $1000 on one shirt when you can use the same money to buy ten 100 shirts. Firstly, It’s not just a shirt. It’s a Rick Owens. Secondly, that’s not the kind of statement the person may want to make. They may not want 10 cheap shirts. Some people are Royal buyers. They love exclusives and limited editions. They feel good in one $500 long sleeve fit and flare velvet embellished cocktail dress by Mac Duggal than wear N10,000 Aba made clothes. It doesn’t bother me an inch. It’s their money. It’s their desire.
Ovyay and Madam
Guess why I married my wife. She was/is still my desire. No lamentations 25 years after. You couldn’t talk me out of marrying her back then and you can’t now. We may judge people as being wasteful. But check well. Everyone has bought something or more that was judged as wasteful price-wise at the time they bought it. It may not be useful to you the observer. It may be expensive for you. But that’s what they want.
Why do people throw lavish weddings/parties when they could just have a small family meeting wedding ceremony. It’s what they desire. What will they eat after the wedding? I don’t know. I have counselled people to have a modest wedding before and they didn’t take my advice. So I let them do what pleases them. You have to learn to let go when it’s not your matter. Several years back, a lady came to me for counselling. In the course of our talk, she said she wanted to throw a party because she was feeling unhappy. I told her throwing a party is not a cure for unhappiness. She insisted that was what she wanted. So I let her be. Guess what, till today over twenty years after, she never came back to me again to continue the counselling. I learnt pretty fast from that. After all, I have also bought things even travelled to places and people said to me what is the use of all these travelling as if I asked/begged them for transport money.
Ovyay at Ado Awaye Mountains
“Dey your dey, and leave me for my dey”.
Any desire that urges you to take desperate actions will often lead to ultimate destruction if you are not reasonable. Though desire may put its pressure on you, common sense is the fountain you should drink from to avoid being pierced by many sorrows. The truth is, it’s better to regulate desire before it becomes pressure. This is how to avoid error. Be inspired to do the reasonable so that you will not embrace the abominable. I do not write this to cover desires that are unlawful, ungodly and inhuman. I have limited myself also to the desires for the basic things of life like things you buy that another may call wasteful. Therefore let none take this post as a basis to embrace recklessness.
Have you bought anything that didn’t make sense to people around in recent times? How did you handle their disapproving looks or judgments? Kindly let me have your comments below. Or what is your general take on the matters of desire? Let’s rub minds together.
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To read another story follow this link https://ovyay.com/what-to-do-when-you-are-lonely-but-not-alone/
See you next week.
I remain your Traveling Poet.