I have heard people say “If you need anything, just ask those who have it…. What is the worst that can happen. They will either say no or yes”. To some that sounds easy. But for some of us who are a bit sensitive, we don’t find asking easy. You have to think of the right words to use, what strategy of delivery to apply, think of the mood of the person you are asking, keep your pride aside etc then ask. I am a thinker, so by the time I go through some of these processes I may not take a step to ask. If you struggle with asking maybe this few stories will help you.
HOW I GOT MARRIED
Before I got married, I spent months thinking of how I will “pop the question”. Whenever I see her, I refused to ask. Why? If she says yes. Great. What if she said no. I would have messed up everything. So instead of losing her I’d rather continue to have the relationship as it is, Ok so I finally asked and we are both happier for it over 24 years after.
DURING THE 2018 DRUM FESTIVAL-OGUN STATE
Last month during the 2018 drum festival at Abeokuta in Ogun State, Tadek (a photographer colleague) and I saw a Church. Immediately, I thought of taking a picture, but the church had a fence which I didn’t want to be part of the photograph. That means, if I really wanted to take the picture I was seeing in my mind, I have to go in and ask. So I talked to Tadek about how great it would have been if we could take the picture of the Church. He said, “let’s go in and ask them”. I replied “no”. He asked “why”.? I said because “they don’t know us”. The truth was, I wasn’t in the mood to handle any type of “no” from anyone. So he said “ok, you stay here, I will go in and ask them and if they say no, we move on”. So he entered the Church. He didn’t come back on time so I decided to check what was happening. He was busy chatting with the Pastor of the Church who was a close relation of his that he couldn’t remember, but the Pastor recognized him. To make a long story short, he opened the Church, and we got more than enough pictures than I had hoped for.
AT OLUMO ROCK
At Olumo Rock (a popular tourist center) same day, we met some young ladies clothed in all black Hijab with one of them in green Hijab. So I said to Tadek “if only we could get these ladies to turn their backs in a pose and the one in green to face us, we will get a great picture”. He replied that “they might not agree”. So I decided to take their picture all the same. As I raised the camera and took the first shot, their guide saw me. (I felt like one caught with the his hand in the cookie jar). He asked me something like “do you want to take pictures”? I said “yes”. He then said then “go ahead”. I took great pictures that day with the young ladies fully enjoying themselves.
THE MAN CALLED-SURU
One day, in Gbagada, Lagos, I saw a certain young man, a tyre vulcanizer at work. He looked interesting to me because of his dreadlocks but his red eyes discouraged me. Eventually, I asked him if I could Photograph him. He said “for sure”. Turns out he is a Reggae musician looking for a promoter for his reggae brand and he was only doing the vulcanizer job till a record deal comes up. So if you can help Suru, DM me.
I was heading to document GUBI LAKE with a Professional Photographer friend @comfygreys (check him out on Instagram) and as we passed through FIRO village, I saw some little girls playing. I could see some pictures in the way the girls were interacting. Question is, how do I photograph these girls without getting into trouble as I needed to get someone’s authorization. As I was debating within myself, a certain man came out of a house who happened to be a retired civil servant. I explained my desire to him and he said “go ahead. no problem”.
I was heading towards Holy mountain in Obudu Cattle Ranch and while meandering through the beautiful hills, I saw Fulani men and had a nudge to take photographs with them. I asked, their leader, and he agreed .
So if you are like me, who is often bothered about asking, I don’t have fancy theories or psychological principles to share with you . Just ask. There is no need to continue to suffer from a certain lack when you have those who can help you around you. I am not talking of asking to satisfy the unreasonable. I am talking of genuine needs that require help.
Don’t over think. Ask. Ignore the voice of your pride and get the available help.
Many times I have refused to ask for help and later regretted because of the opportunities I missed. Several years ago, I attended a Conference in Kafanchan with a plan to see the Man of God Pastor NUHU KURE. After the conference, I stayed back plotting how I could see the Man of God one on one. As the camp site became quiet I stood by the door of his office. He came out and and stood next to me. No aides, no protocol officers. This was my chance. For about five minutes he stood there alone, I was tongue tied. After a while, he looked at me and walked back into his office. That was it. I beat myself, flogged myself, I lost the chance.
Now get up and ask for help to start that company, blog, business, pay off the mortgage etc. Nations, Governments, blue-chip Companies, rich/poor people have employed the power of asking for help to a great advantage. There is no need to suffer needlessly for the available. So ask for help, as the help you receive will help you achieve your goals in an easier way.
Make sure you use the help given to do what you requested the assistance for. Don’t cheat or defraud people, because they will find you out someday and you will not be able to get help from them again. Be careful, a ruined reputation is hard to rebuild.
PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH.
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